number one-hundred

is this a milestone? matches thinks so. it is the onehundredaneleventh post, and he is honored to know such fine and admirable hobbits. proudfoots. but in all seriousness, aside from a half-assed novel project for a writing class in college, this never-ending electronic page is just about the longest writing project he has ever embarked upon (and he shall see to it that he is only just getting wound up). there are cigarettes burning to the right of him; the kind of smokysweet brand that insight used to puff upon when he wasn't spitting hot fire.

if you hadn't noticed, that last posting was a branching out of sorts....a foray, as stylistically it was separate from everything else he has done here. obviously it still had a little bit of the other flavor, but that's hardly avoidable when one has been focusing on one such perspective for, a yearish. a year ago almost exactly it was that he moved to portland; one year taffying into a thousand facets and experiences and people. taffying lengthwise, and then again widthwise as he reflects upon it later. and it had that same sticky tendency; one could not shake it off of their hands even if they wanted to, not to mention the blue-raspberry tinge tattooed onto the tongue. which is an interesting analogy, he realizes as he types it, because really memories are like diluted sensations....colors, but not tastes; sights, but not sounds. feelings, but not saturated, overwhelming awareness of them.

back on track...that last one was a bit more fiction-based, a bit more storylike. which is certainly a direction in which m has always intended to head -- he has just been jogging sideways for some time now to avoid it, to strengthen other muscles which may lend him a little more stability in the harsh gravity of creation. forging other tools in the fire, hammers and pliers and blades, brushes, which might give him a superior foundation or fabric on which to beginagain. suicide drills before the big game, to tighten up those reflexes. and don't be fooled, the mental faculty is most certainly a reflex. albeit a rorschach sort, with free-associations flying furiously in every corridor of a paragraph. he still has yet to learn how to draft the blueprints~ so far his are only fingerprints, which it is true leave faint traces of structure, but nothing on a scheme so grand as he would have it be. and he would, if it would make itself apparent to him.

come on, feet.

a brief interlude: mattress loves it when a girl walks by smelling like fruit snacks. you know the type. what is that scent; does he even want to know? it seems like buying it and spraying it all over the place would ruin the effect that it has in its never-naturally-occurring isolation. there are a number of fragrances that do it for him, but that is certainly in the top three.

it is interesting to ponder all the things that people may appreciate about us, even though we would never know and they might never say anything. we are all beacons of light in some way or another. do we need other people to validate that in us? is it arrogant to appreciate oneself?
is that the definition of cool?

if there is one merit that matches will concede to smokers, it is that it occasions a moment for them to just chill, enjoying or sharing a reflective moment. to break from the bustle, even though ultimately they are contributing to it in some odder (otter!) way by feeding the craving. people rarely take the time for genuine conversation these days, but in smokers sometimes you will find people who have refined it to a science....three-minute bursts of brilliance, that they always have a somewhat-valid excuse to step outside of a situation for.
either that or they are just very socially inept, and need a socially-accepted out for when they begin drowning in conversation.
he is sure that both polarities are to be found in any setting.

writing is one of the most simultaneously relaxing and energizing things in the world. it is almost always, if not honestly always, a good thing. and you would be hard-pressed to say that about most things you come across in life, no?