platonics

the something that is in the air today: it is autumn. perhaps not verfiably, but there is that old-timey chill in the air....the scratch of sweaters and the pop-crackling musk of cedar smoke from porous brick chimneys. you can smell their red, like you can hear the bleat of a fire-engine. and since i was supposed to be writing my thoughts, and instead had a conversational, here it is.

he: i'm both inside the box and outside of it

most people are in some way or another, i think

she: how are you outside then

he: i like to use my mind in unconventional ways

i like to devote its energies to things that aren't typically attractive to people

or, are attractive, but people never do because they perceive incorrectly that it will be too 'hard'

things are never that 'hard' once you're in them, once you commit to them

then they just 'are', and you can get over it and work your way into or through them

she: like what

he: like books, like writing, like, exercise. like, talking about something that is 'hard' to talk about

people like to follow the path of least resistance

resistance is what makes people interesting though...being bombarded by outside things and influences, and morphing along with them, and emerging something else

she: to what extent should one resist

he: resist what

she: i dunno. you just said resistance

he: oh

i meant, doing something unknown, doing something difficult or big

doing the same things one always does; that is 'easy'

she: so aspiring to do something great or impressive with one's life

he: not necessarily

great and impressive are subjective

just, living, and acknowledging change, and not being sedentary

i think that people who follow their hearts and do these things will probably be pleased with life overall

but, its difficult to be judgmental of people; we are all so different

i'm at a tea shop right now. i go to tea or coffee shops all the time. people see me there. they think probably that i am just running in my same little circles, being a small person with not much ambition to change myself.

but i am *always*, or mostly, doing something different; reading something new and explosive, hashing out a new thought in writing, trying to work my thought around something; creating something in my imagination

but nobody would ever know this

so, when other people who are similar to me talk about 'america' and how lazy and distracted it is, they are grouping me into that category too

they just don't know

and i don't know everyone; there is no way to

so i feel bad making generalized statements about people's interests and personalities....i think probably everyone has the capacity to surprise or impress me if i let them

we just have to exist on a personal level, and follow our hearts i guess

i've been typing a lot just now.

she: heh

he: yr thoughts?

she: i would agree with everything you said

he: would you add to it?

she: do you think there's a truth?

he: a truth?

i dont know

about some things probably

not about everything

i would be surprised if there were a truth about everything

she: what do u mean

he: i dont know...sure, i think there are physical truths

i am here, you are there, jupiter is alla

but i dont know that i think there are definite truths about a lot of things humans spend their time fretting about

either way, i don't think it makes it any less noble that we are fretting about it nonetheless

but if nobility is not a truth, then im really in trouble :)
i kind of live my life on the assumption that trying hard counts for something

she: counts for what

he: i don't know....that it is, important, that we try to be the best that we can be?

if it isn't important then i am probably living my life wrong.

she: says who

he: i'm not sure

i guess most of my philosophies make the assumption of some sort of judgmental force outside of our own selves~

she: does that force also determine what the best version of yourself is or is that up to you

he: good question

i guess i think there is an ideal for myself, which exists outside of myself

but it is entirely possible that i am mistaken about that

she: i feel like that too. how did you arrive at that conclusion

he: maybe not, myself...so much

i feel like there is an ideal for humanity

i feel like correct living is probably to lead by example

in the ideal direction, of course

she: even tho we don't know what ideal necessarily is

he: i feel like i know some things. i work with what i feel like i know

no point in stressing myself out over other things when i can't conclude anything about them

i don't know

maybe my life is worthwhile even if i just advance the species in only one individual aspect of life

she: advance the species?

he: like say, for example, if i knew in my heart a better perspective upon government, or war, or something of that sort

maybe my life would be worthwhile, even if i wasn't the fully, evolved, for lack of a better word, person; but instead i just helped steer humanity in the right direction in one particular aspect

she: sorry if i'm being obnoxious, but what's a right direction

(feel free to change the subject if im boring you)

he: like i said, i feel like i know certain things to be right

like, say, the triumph over laziness....getting out into the world and experiencing, and expanding yourself and your mind and horizons

i feel like that is 'right'

she: how come?

he: you can critique me on that if you want; i don't expect everyone to agree

she: i do agree

he: but if i help people to see that as a valuable thing, that they can cultivate in their own bodies and minds and souls, then maybe that is a worthwhile use of my life even if i don't get everything else right

she: as tho there is a wrong option

he: i think that not capitalizing on the time we have is a 'wrong option'

i'm not entirely positive i am right about that, because who knows, it takes an outside truth to really concretize it

but i do feel it

i feel like what we are experiencing is a gift, and to not use it is to not respect it or the granter of it, if indeed there is one

life is amazing

but, by definition, it is also an everyday thing

it is very easy to let it slip into some sort of jaded perspective

she: so you think it important to respect the granter of life, tho you don't know if there is such a granter

he: i think it is important to respect life. if we do that then the 'granter', if he is around, will be happy for us and for it and for him(it)self

imagine

she: so we can presume to know supposed granter's thoughts and feelings

he: imagine that there is a couple who breaks up, but the woman is pregnant, and she has the child

it is a little girl

she never meets her father or, for the sake of the allegory, is even cognizant that she has one

it just never comes up in conversation, k~

and on the girl's 5th birthday, she comes out into the backyard, and there is a baby horse with a big bow tied around it, for her

the father bought it for her,and the mother takes a picture of the girl with the biggest smile on her face that she will ever, ever, have again in her life

the mother sends it to the father.

and that happiness is the happiness occasioned by respect, by joy in life

she doesn't need to know that he is responsible, that he worked his ass off in a paper mill to pay for it

he just needs to know that she is bursting with happiness

that's all there is to it

you think about things like that, and you just know somewhere deep down that something like that is real love, that it is above and beyond most manifestations of it

the type where there is no need for recognition

she: if he cared that much about her happiness, wouldn't he want to be an actual part of her life too?

he: he can't be; he is detained in a venezuelan prison.

she: if he can send her a horse he can send her a picture and letter :)

he: it is physically impossible for him to be a part of his daughter's life

his name is on the terrorist watch list and all mail he sends out gets burned as soon as it leaves his hands~

except the horse...they waved it over with some metal-detectors and it seemed okay, so they let that through.

she: uh huh~

well if he could be a part of her life then he would

he: it would be better if he were there, but he just can't be

didn't you see the end of raiders of the lost ark? his voice would essplode her head if she heard it

at least, old-testament-style.

she: must have missed that one

anyway, this still says there is a specific sender

gift-wrapped horses dont just show up~

he: its an allegory~

and it was on the fly, so i think i did pretty well

the horse is life.

he already gave her life, but who appreciates just that?

she: true~

he: so, it has a physical manifestation, a happiness

she: precisely

he: did you dislike my story

she: hehe. i did like it. i also liked that it seemed to prove what you were disproving in a way~

he: in what way was that

she: we have a specific sender, and if said sender isn't a physical part of our lives at the moment, said sender sends something that can be to represent

and add to our happiness

he: i'm not savvy to the incongruity here

she: incongruity?

i need to look that word up~

he: non-conforming

she: well that is essentially what your story was communicating, right?

he: well, the physical manifestation, the horse, is just the very fact that we are alive

for me, at least

life is a gift

she: yes

he: and life is hard sometimes; i left out the part of the story where the horse kicks her and breaks her arm, but then feels really bad about it

and of course he craps all over her yard

she: heh yeah

he: but, she loves the horse for what it is

she loves that she can see it, feel it, smell it (ew), taste it (ew), and hear it

in short it is all the potentiality of sensory information

just like the physical world.

she: but who is to say we know what the gift-giver meant by the gift

he: the gift-giver doesn't even need to have a consciousness

i imagine it to, but i wouldn't constrain it in that way

she: then it doesn't care about little girls' birthdays~

he: ay thats the rub

who knows~

she: the rub?

he: shakespeare

the core issue

she: my english degree is not serving me tonite

so the core issue is, who knows

he: heh

well, it's not like we are losing out on life by appreciating it, even if it doesn't mean anything

i am just a proponent of appreciation.

she: as am i.