boy-scout badges

matches is watchin' a movie. very relaxing. not that he is incredibly stressed to start with...but relaxation seems a good thing, no? where do we draw the line between productivity and complacency? he would rather not be one of those people who always feels the need to be rifling around from spot to spot, ever-busy and twisting their calendars for the last drips and drops of time. but he also envies those people to some degree.

what constitutes a meritorious use of one's time? when we have no definition, no prescription for who or what we should be, what do we do with ourselves? mattress feels justified when he is scribbling away, whatever being justified means. it is something; he is something. what is it to be productive? how do we even know what is valuable, or what we should spend our time producing? the true currency of life seems to be experiences...we are all equal in that we have an equal number of moments (if we're lucky). even if someone's may not seem as exciting or crisp as another's, they have probably had allthemore time to dive into the echoes and extract some other wavelength, something more than surface from them.

the only problem comes up when things feel too stale...cycles we are running again and again; time that we could be capitalizing on in some different capacity. in a sense, it is good to keep busy. but matches thinks he sees too many people confusing busyness and methodical occupation of one's time. what is it, to be busy for money? to stretch yourself too thin in a job that nets excess amounts of time? is money really a profound enough goal to justify spending so much time (out of a different sort of wallet that is largely ignored) in pursuit of it? so much daylight time, whilst the birds are singing their beautiful songs? raar~

so what are the rewards that we are reaping for our choices? this is a question that m has been asking himself, absorbing himself in, for some time. but what matches wants to say here and now, in this instant where he feels it, is that we should stop stockpiling. stop accumulating. stop fretting and fraying endlessly over all the concerns of who we should be, or what we should have, and just let time flow through us instead of the other way around. matches spends too much time worrying over his possessions, and his skills, and how he should chip away at his days to make them the most aesthetic in retrospect~ it only does a certain kind of good to look towards the future...if you keep your eyes trained on it, then you only catch now as a mere peripheral. something blurred, on the sides of your vision. the future will happen; it has a tendency to do that, no matter what transpires. but the only way to collect any coins of perspective to spend in it...is to pick them up along the way (which is happening; * ; whoops there it went). there is something new going on everywhere, at every time. it just takes a mind to push the button.

and breathing in, i am myself.
and breathing out, i am here.

and it is fine to keep collecting. just be wary of becoming a collector, unless you have found an anchor of value in the items...one that is meaningful to yourself~

smile ; )