ananundrum

the new coldplay album has some gems on it. it doesn't make the impression to matches of a pristine record, but there are some ins and outs that are not to be missed. if you're into it, spend a listen on 'life in technicolor', 'lost!' (god, any song with a running&chasing beat has such a persuasion on m), the first 2:42 of '42' (the latter portion, mattress really wishes they had committed to instead of abandoning the maddening spiral they had started for such a poppy-positivity), and of course the title track 'viva la vida'. he wonders if '42' is thus named because that is the second-count upon which they decided not to deliver on the building intensity. also notable is the last 17 seconds of 'cemeteries of london'. but then, matches tends to be easy to please.
you're a fan, if you got that.

haven't been setting aside the necessary time to write lately, which is a shame. it's great to be social, but he feels so hindered, in the sense of living life in general, when he cannot spill some real thoughts out of an inkwell and onto his shoes. it is the difference between the consciousness expanding forward in phantom form, grasping and mingling with everything....the difference between that and, dragging one's brain behind on a long leash, inspecting it later for the rubbish and residue which it collects over the course of travels. counting on photographs to do your forward-looking, is backwards in retrospect; he never remembers all the little hums and whistles which he pretends to log away for later contemplation whilst he is distractabusy. he lives much too much in moment-to-moment, and also in his head in a very odd sort of manner, and he worries that it will be his undoing as a writer. or perhaps his greatest tincture. can one be worried that something will be fantastic, domineering? that it will be too much so?

his castles are still in the sky. he apologizes if sometimes his statements tend to jump onto the page (screen) and solidify themselves there....he tends to trust his mind to the tipping point of absurdity and has hopes of thoughts falling, domino-like, in an if not logical, at least personable and traceable progression. he has a tendency towards the belief that anything can be relevant. have you ever picked up a tarot card deck? he rarely does, but this is what he finds so entrancing about them: no matter what card falls, it will have a conceivable relation to something happening in your life. tarot is a thought-exercise, it is a collection of perspectives and colored-tints which one may find some help looking through, sifting through, and letting them sway the direction of one's thoughts into eddies and waterways operating under the same principles as the universe. that is, either chaos or control. which is it again?

m really has some faith that drawing a card may influence the outcome of events. why? because it spins the mind, windmill. he has seen instances of a thought effecting/affecting an actual outcome...we all have, especially if we can choose to reduce the notion to absurdity by saying that when your child wanted an ice cream cone, you bought them one. that isn't what he means, of course; his indication is much more intangible. but we can, hopefully, acknowledge that the mind exerts a definite power over its surroundings, beyond the realm of simple physical cause and effect. if you find a genuine positivity and curiosity amidst a job interview, then you will get that job. qualifications, shmalifications. this sort of thought, this wild expression, expands beyond the mind that has spun it....it leaks out of the body, trickling from every possible angle, practically beaming; it is infectious in its spread and has no boundary. perhaps it involves another, unknown dimension. he isn't here to explain the science of it to you, but, there it is. your body is unconsciously affected by your emotions; body language tells us that arms cross defensively, and that eye contact is more embracing than open arms. these are not top-snaggle examples, but they are certainly a physical manifestation of a seemingly transcendental phenomenon. thought.

"Ha ha, just joking; only trying to see who's listening
Now heads up, time to test the potential of your faults
And the results will stay confidential
For as long as you face the front of your self-esteem;
Lose focus, get broken at the seams.
Let's open up the conversation for comments
To complement your circumcised mind-state, while I ride on your anxieties
Trying to speak to the class, and justify the act,
By pointing my finger at your head, and asking you, 'what the fuck is that?'"
~ deep puddle dynamics - 'the scarecrow speaks'

how many times have we dug ourselves into a dominantly depressed hole of mind, only to find that the answer lied in us fooling ourselves all along? humans are inherently facetious; the angle which our mind takes upon any, any situation dictates the majority of its impact upon us. the outside world may be rock-like, unthinking, but it speaks its mind through our extremes, our reverend suppliance to unknowns and subconscious jitters. the illusion is that it controls us, but all along it has been we who have dropped the reins. which is an apt word, because we could so simply, yet unfathomably difficultly so deep into the game, reign over our lives in a completely different and remarkably similar fashion.