trip-hop

been everywhere lately. will be much more consistent with this once i settle down and can thieve wireless access in my apt building in portland~
okay...here's some of those promised mountain pictures->




and that's all for now since matches does not want to overwhelm your senses.

sigh...not sure how to not have expectations of people. they cause so much frustration because nobody seems to follow through, but how do you avoid having them alltogether? is there some zen-puzzle way of living in which one can be completely self-sufficient, but still be engaged in the whole social machine? it seems to mattress that for every step you take away from someone in terms of expectations...that is, for every degree of distance that you decide you can keep in order to not have any sort of dependence on someone else's whims, the relationship also suffers a drop in trust. because this is what we want from people, isn't it? matches wants to be able to trust them with his feelings and hopes, but it is so disappointing when people don't care, or don't follow through, or drop the ball as they say. relationships are brilliant and transcendental when there is trust between two people...confidence enough to say whatever and to be whomever, and to know that the other is still there, for and with you. "Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid" ~Goethe (Faust). when you truly care, there is a sincere lack of expectations just because you can feel the gravitational pull, the orbit between the two; nothing short of a meteor is going to break it. wishing this fiery loyalty was the standard. wishing that it were not so easy to be let down, that we could all be a little less cautious about where we trust to expectation. because you have to have hopes, have to invest in people...this is one of the most noble parts of the human spirit - would not trade it for the world. sharing your life shouldn't be problematic...it should be chromatic, it should increase the colors and the world and the experience that you are corkscrewed into. but there are so many contrary forces at work, and people tend to stretch themselves too thin.

matches would like to think that people can expect him to fight to keep this connection and trust alive~

but he will need some help.

"Crushed like a bug in the ground
Let down and hanging around

Shell smashed, juices flowing
Wings twitch, legs are going
Don't get sentimental
It always ends up drivel

One day I'm going to grow wings
A chemical reaction
Hysterical and useless
Hysterical and ... "

~ Radiohead - "Let Down"