the nu-nu

as matches is sitting in the midst of a theater/cafe called 'the living room', his mind naturally directs itself to a question of fluctuation and newness. well to be honest it was all started by this amazing mushroom and cheese crepe that he is enjoying at said cafe. everything is different here. to start with; mattress sits in an amazing contemporary-style lounge that also happens to be an independent movie theater (theatre? wouldn't want to offend their classiness). enjoying a crepe the likes of which you could only find in europe (not that he has been). he could, were the moment right and no immediate future obligations present, get ridiculously boozed-up on twelve-dollar drinks and stumble into a movie which probably only a relative handful of people in the nation get an opportunity to see. also currently only on the internet thanks to the city of portland's free downtown-wide wifi access. hint: you're supposed to have said "cool" to yourself after each one of the previous sentences~ and just went to use the bathroom, and it is amazing and marbled and if you know matches that well at all then you will probably know that this is how he rates most places. because if they take the time to spruce up the proverbial bathroom goose (what?) they get somehow a trio of thumbs-up from him.

the heart of the question is that matches wonders, which is better for one overall? crisp new experiences, or much-appreciated staples? admittedly if that is the question, then the previous examples are not such good ones. still. went to a sky-bar with sarah last night and got a few drinks; sarah, a martini times two. when matches asked what she found so appealing about martinis, she basically replied that they were always somewhat different at every locale and she enjoyed the vast variety of tastes that were to be found in this same-shaped stemmed-glass. she appreciated always being given something new, and that she would never again receive this same martini. it was in kind with the blonde in 'sideways' explaining why she is so into wine, but hit much closer to home as sarah is someone matches personally knows and whose tastes he has come to respect. actors saying something profound will never quite compare with someone you know saying it right next to you through their own medium. love to see the cinematic occur outside the confines of the cinema. something special about sunsets and confessionals.

m is starting to have seen a fair bit of places outside of colorado, and he cannot decide about what it means to his personality to have done so. on the one side, it could be said that he is much more worldly, and has developed certain parts of himself that must remain constant and steeled against external winds. probably would agree with this point. on the other side, being exposed to so much more has bleach-burnt some ideas of himself that he previously had, completely flooding and washing them out (hello, photographers, could not forget you). was a little sad for the people he saw still being in colorado, not having proper motivation to have been drawn in to another event's horizon, but also very much envied the stability that they seemed to exhibit, both in themselves and their lives. suffice it to say that matches often feels churned and rocked bothways and cannot sometimes find the proper ground to foot. which is exciting but also exhausting and oft frustrating.

it's brilliantly difficult to set up a value system for what sort of person you want to become, and even more problematic to foresee how your environment will shape you into whatever ideals you may decide upon. but matches has seen enough of people to know that everyone needs or thirsts for a certain degree of stability. whether that can be better obtained by constantly uprooting and seeing what small gemstones remain solid and hard within yourself, or by remaining stationary and finding deeper intricacies in your pooled world that you can appreciate allthemore, beginning to glimmer in caught sunlight as you brush away all the usual superfluities...antimatter cannot say. m respected thoreau a great deal, and he was an advocate of the latter. perhaps there is always a balance, and for every degree of frustration you feel at remaining in place, you must express it by digging deeper and finding different treasures than most people are at a level of seeking. and perhaps when you shuffle your deck over and over, you begin to seek some pieces of home and comfort within yourself and your surroundings.

"follow your genius closely enough, and it will not fail to show you a fresh prospect each new hour."
~ h.d. thoreau